Ministry
November 14, 2005
The doors to the church are usually locked, which is perhaps a good topic for another post, so that the staff knows who’s in the building – a security issue mainly. But someone left the door unlocked this morning when they left and a man walked in an hour or so later. He was dressed in clothes that suggested he had been painting recently, but was well-kept. I saw him come through the doors from the parlor where I was working on an Isaiah text. He headed for the office and seemed to know what he was doing, so I went back to work. I heard him sit down on the bench outside the office, but I figured Nicole had seen him, or perhaps he was waiting for someone.
Five minutes later he came and stood in the doorway to the parlor. He was very apologetic, asked if I worked here, corrected himself and said surely not, I was just studying. I got up and introduced myself as the intern and asked if I could do anything for him. He was wondering about food and gas vouchers. I know we give them out, so I asked him to wait and went to find out more information. Nicole sent me to Eric, Eric said we were out for the month and to try back next week. I went back to tell him. He sat on the couch and didn’t move. He looked at me, clearly not knowing what to do, and said he didn’t think he had enough gas to get out of the parking lot. I didn’t know how to respond. I asked him to hold on one more time and went back to Eric. Perhaps there was some place else we could direct him. He said he had been working in LA and they hadn’t paid him (apparently this happens frequently) – he seemed overwhelmed and unsure how to get by.
Eric said there was another agency in Decatur he could try and came up with six dollars to give him for gas to get himself there. I came back and gave it to him and asked if wanted the number for another place. He started to tell me again what had happened, but I just nodded and asked him to hold on again and went to get the numbers. I came back and sat on the couch and explained the agencies to him and reminded him he could try back next week when we got more gift cards in. He nodded and thanked me and got up and left.
It’s so hard not to be able to help. I don’t understand a world in which people work for a week and never get paid. I don’t understand a church that doesn’t have enough money to give free handouts all the time to everyone who comes asking. I went to ask Eric about it all – wondering how the process worked in the church. He explained the logistics to me and we commiserated about feeling helpless and overwhelmed by need. And then he reminded me that often people who come looking for help also simply need someone to hear them.
I realized I was upset that I didn’t have more to give this man when in reality I hadn’t given him all I had. This man had begun to tell his story and I had simply nodded and left him to find more information. I wanted to find him help – to make things better – but I forgot to listen. I’m so obnoxious to people about the importance of bearing witness, but I completely failed to do just that.
There’s something humbling about being an intern and making more mistakes than not. Something to be learned from having to note the mistakes and move on to finish the Bible Study, which you’ll also probably not do perfectly. Something about ministry that makes it about process and not perfection. I like that part. But it certainly can be challenging.
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