Love
June 13, 2005
I want to know if love is a choice.
I know, I know, I wrote a post not too long ago about how I was in love and I said I wouldn’t write posts about it. But I’m not. I swear I’m not. This is a theoretical question/post – and not one of those theoretical as in hypothetical as in “I have this friend . . .” But truly theoretical as in a question I’ve always wondered about.
So. Is love a choice? Do you choose who you love? Do you choose to love someone? Do you choose to keep loving someone? Is love greater or lesser if it is a choice?
I feel like I should end the post right there because I don’t know. My answers change over time and still at every juncture I preface my answers with: “I don’t know.”
I don’t think you choose who you fall in love with. It seems to easy to be able too choose and the love that I’ve seen and experienced is far too random than if it had been my choice.
Yet, I think I choose to love people too. Perhaps there is a distinction between falling in love and loving. I don’t think I choose who I fall in love with (though certainly I can influence by who I spend time with, think about, communicate with, etc), but I do think I choose who I love. Think of it negatively. I can choose not to love someone. Even if I am starting to fall in love, I can back out.
Falling in love is like a crush until you make the choice. And I think you must choose to keep loving someone. People are married for decades, you must fall in and out of love with your spouse, but you can choose to keep loving them through all of that – can’t you?
I would think that choosing to love someone makes it greater. It’s your choice – of your own free will. Which means that when times get rocky you’re not going to just stop loving someone, you choose to keep loving them or not – there is an element of control. Maybe I’m totally wrong (maybe I AM just a control freak). But I think the choice is important. I think it’s scary because someone can then choose not to love you, but I think it’s important. To be able to say to someone. I love you and I will keep choosing to love you from here on out – that’s huge.
Posted in life by Sarah Walker Cleaveland
