For Lack of Words
June 6, 2005
It’s been a long time since the last post.
I’ve thought about
posting. I’ve felt no guilt, but I’ve thought about posting. These
amazing things have been happening, so it feels like there is plenty to
post about – but I haven’t been able to find the words.
I can
give you the facts – and the last post did some of that – but the facts
aren’t what have been amazing, it’s the feelings and how do you put
words to feelings?
I’ve been on this amazing road trip the past
eighteen days. Eighteen days in the car with someone I’ve only been
dating for 3 months (though we’ve known each other longer). Eighteen
days of navigating driving styles and traffic, new friends and family.
Eighteen days. It sounds like it might be a good recipe for disaster.
But
it wasn’t a disaster – it was amazing. It was easy and comfortable. It
was fun and laughable. We got to be real and persnickety, lovely and
very tired and still it was good.
Someone said we’re smitten -
and I suppose it is true: I feel smitten. But it feels deeper than that
too. [See now - there just aren’t good words because every image I can
think of to compare it to is cheesy or cliché, but cheesy and cliché
seem to be my life now. I know they’re cheesy and cliché, but they’re
still true. It is very irritating.] It’s like this deep, cool river
running way down in my life that I know is always there – I can feel
it. But it’s also a lot of fun – someplace you can go play in – splash
around in, swim laps in, relax in. Always there whether I pay attention
to it or not, but also accessible for my pleasure.
It’s this
love thing. And it’s scary to write down (scarier even to put it where
other people will read it) because what if I’m wrong – everyone will
know. Or what if people read it and realize just how corny it is and
then I feel dumb (though I already know it’s corny, so perhaps that
point is moot). But I’m going to go ahead and claim it – despite its
craziness and scariness and utter cheesiness. It’s true – I’m in love.
I
promise not every post will be about it, probably not more than a few,
but you have to do one. So here it is. My post about the past 18
amazing days and my fumblings for words that don’t come close to
expressing the feelings that accompanied those days.
Posted in life by Sarah Walker Cleaveland
