On tap are the whole of the Institutes by Calvin, a philosophy class on theology (what makes a theology good, etc), Practicing the Presence of God (and learning about the history of spirituality), and a thesis on something to do with theology of the Spirit and spirituality (right now I’m reading Spirituality and History by Philip Sheldrake).

Meanwhile I’m still working at the seminary doing filing and other such exciting things, and teaching Adult Sunday School at a local church, which seems like a good way to stay a little grounded.

So, there you have it. The first half week is done only 11 and a half weeks to go before the next semester starts …

Here’s today’s:

In the heart of the world there is a place that holds the secret names of the rocks & the trees & all the children of the earth & around it gather women & men who hold it dear & each night they stand together to keep it safe for as long as it takes til morning comes & no matter what you have been told, this will always be so, in the heart of the world.

I know we have a tendency to deride ‘stories’ in pursuit of higher truths; but ‘stories’ like this one remind me that sometimes we discover far more truth in what we hope is true than in what we can empirically discover around us.

    The church has always been a place of both comfort and challenge for me. It is my hope that the church remain both of these places not only for individuals, but for the world. At its best, the church provides a place of refuge and sanctuary for those experiencing persecution, be it political, mental or spiritual. As a sanctuary, the church embodies the love of God for the world and for each of us individually. As a place of refuge, the church allows each of us and all of us together to rest in our faith, taking comfort in our identity as beloved children of God. Yet, at its best, the church also challenges each of us and our world. The church lifts up a different way of living and being in the world and challenges all of us to live differently. At its best, the church challenges us to work for justice, peace, equality and freedom. At its best, the mission of the church involves looking for God’s presence in the world and working to further God’s kingdom on earth. My concern, therefore, is that the church will lose sight of this vision and pay attention instead to semantics and small details: to the color of our skin, the name by which we address God, the place in which we worship (to name only a few). My concern is that the church will become too much a part of the world to be able to critique and change the world. My concern is that the church will stop looking for God’s mission in the world and follow only its own.

We had to write one page on Psalm 23. Simple. Except it’s not really my favorite – never has been – too used, too lovely, who knows, no good reason. So, for one page, I focused on the one part that I do like, the second phrase of the first line – ‘I shall not want.’ Herein lies the problem. I have always thought ‘I shall not want’ refers to the Shepherd, not actually not wanting anything.

As a side note, I’d like to point out that when you do not provide an object, it does not unreasonable to assume the object being referred to is the one in the previous clause. Just saying . . .

So, I wrote a whole paper on how I appreciated the fact that sometimes we don’t want the rest and care offered to us. Apparently there is a comma and apparently the comma is traditionally taken to separate the clauses so that the object of the first clause is not the object of the second clause. Apparently I shall not want actually means I shall not want – like not want anything. Sigh.

I think I’m ready to be done with this semester.

The next seven days look horrible on my calendar. Things are double booked, there isn’t any white space, it’s unclear to me when the eating and sleeping and doing my homework is supposed to fit in, let alone that relaxing, having fun part of it. And, honestly, the stuff on my calendar isn’t my favorite, a lot of it’s stressful and most of it involves groups of people, which I find to be exhausting after awhile. Some of it is stuff I agreed to, the rest was assigned; most of it is stuff I really can’t get out of, or afford to miss, but there is just so much. And the amount of reading for next week . . . 

It’s helpful then to remember that sometimes breathing requires practice. Comforting to think that maybe someone else along the way seriously considered buying brown paper bags even though they didn’t have to take their lunch anywhere. Important to remember when I forget that breathing is supposed to be slow and regular. An in and out kind of give and take. In the gasping and shallow moments, it’s helpful to remember that breathing can require practice and maybe it’s normal if I forget every now and then. It’s a come and go kind of thing. An in and out phenomenon. 

May God bless us with anger
at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people,
so that we may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless us with tears to shed
for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war,
so that we may reach out our hands to comfort them
and turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless us with enough foolishness
to believe that we can make a difference in this world,
so that we can do what others claim cannot be done.

Amen.

I noticed though in Jamaica that I checked in every night. I’m not sure you would call it prayer, or at least I’m not sure I would call it prayer. There was no two way, I didn’t take time to listen. But every night before I fell asleep, without thinking I ought to, I checked in with God. It sounds a little strange, but some part of me needed Her to know that I had seen it. I had seen all the poverty and walls and the people on the street asking for money or food. I had seen the shacks and the wires stealing electricity and the children without shoes and sometimes without even clothes. I had seen Her face in the children we met or heard Her voice in the songs the people sang. I needed God to know that I had noticed. I had noticed the injustice and poverty all around us. I heard the statistics about crime and violence. I remembered the part where my country was indirectly and directly involved in the fate of this smaller island and the people I met. I heard. I saw. I remembered. And I knew God was still present even when it didn’t seem possible.

I realized tonight as I was trying to fall asleep that I haven’t checked in since I’ve been home. I’ve been busy I suppose. E-mails and papers, television and laundry. And I guess I haven’t seen or heard or noticed the past few days. I wonder why it is so hard, in the comfort of home. to pay attention.

This is not what i mean when I talk about the need for exorcisms.  Goodness.

You’re probably thinking slap a hand on the forehead knock the demons out of someone else type exorcisms.  And, while I think that vision is kind of amusing (can I decide if YOU have demons??  because I think I might know a few people who need to be exorcised), that’s not what I’m talking about.

I’m thinking of a ritual, a tradition, something to do when you simply can no longer live with your demons.  Not the red-suited demons with horns and pitchforks, but the demons of memory or vice.  The demons of bad habits or stuckness.  Whatever it is that plagues you and keeps you from moving forward – whatever it is that halts you and throws a wall up in your path.  Whatever it is that burdens you and weighs you down, making it hard to stand up straight.

We all have those kinds of demons at certain times.  And what do you do with them?  Even if you can name them, how do you move forward?  What ritual do you find to pass the time while you wait them out?  What do you do if you wait and nothing happens?  Perhaps it works sometimes to rationalize them away, but I think sometimes thinking about them only makes it worse.  So what do we do?  How do we find ways to move forward?

I think we need something in the church, in life, we can do to help ourselves let go and move on – to knock the demons out so we can keep going with a lighter load – to knock the demons out so we might have room for the good that will come along in due time.  It’s not a matter of forgetting or pretending it never happened, it’s just a matter of making room and putting it back in perspective – holy perspective.

“Belief in God, for many of us, is little more than a hangover”
- Ronald Rolheisser

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