An Open Letter

August 24, 2006

Hey,

It’s been so long since I’ve written. I’m sorry. Time seems to slip by so quietly this summer. I had every intention of sitting down to write to you weeks ago, but then I looked down and weeks had gone by. So many days the hours seemed to dig their nails in rather than pass me by, but now the summer is over and I wonder what I missed in wishing it by so quickly.

I made lasgna tonight and realized with a surprise how desperately I am wishing for winter. While the cold and drab make me crinkle my nose, I could use the excuse to hibernate - to hide under covers and recuperate from a summer of heat and exhaustion. All this moving and marriage, hospice and heat have drained me. I revel in naps and long for my bed in ways that surprise even me. But sleep is so safe - no one dies, no one expects me to be someone I’m not qualified to be, no sun burns me nor mosquitos bite me, no tests loom large, no life waits for living. It is all mine - colorful and bright, restful and full of play.

They say in the cycle of nature, high summer is the time for weeding and that has been true this summer. All of these changes have forced me to pull out old expectations and ways of being. New dreams have been planted and taken root and the old ones must be cleared away in order to give them room to grow. It is hard work and I remember now why I so detested weeding as a chore. As beautiful as new dreams can be, it has always been difficult for me to distinguish between the plants and weeds - all growth looks beautiful in its own way. I suppose it is a process of discerning as much as pulling. But all of it together is tiring.

Fortunately the cycle always continues round and I am seeing now the efforts of my labor. Amidst the studying and preparing for classes, we are having fun - laughing and enjoying this new phase of our lives. We still wonder who this other person in the house is from time to time, and what in God’s good name we were thinking. But mostly we laugh and seek each other out.

Well, that is more than you asked for, but I figured I owed you at least that much for having taken so long to respond. I hope all is well with you and we’ll have to stay in better touch in the months ahead.

With love,
Sarah

Posted in life, marriage, reflections by Sarah