A Montana Conversation

September 8, 2006

(between Adam and I; in Glacier National Park)

A: Last time I was here I went on this great hike. It was amazing. You just walk back a couple miles and then there’s this lake and three peaks. It’s easy and beautiful. We should totally do it again.

S: (naively trusting her husband) Okay.

[as hike begins]

S: Adam, it looks like this is straight up. I thought you said it was flat. I’m ill. I can’t exert myself this much; are you trying to kill me?

A: I don’t remember this; it must taper off around that bend.

[around the bend]

S: Adam, what the hell, it is still straight up. You are a lying bastard.

A: I totally don’t remember this; but don’t worry; it’s totally worth it. It’s gorgeous. And, there are always rainbows there and leprechauns and pots of gold and eagles pick you up and fly you back; it’ll be worth it.

S: Uh-huh [panting because she's congested having been ill for the past five days and having been traveling with a husband who makes her stay up until 1 in the morning for unknown reasons].

[at the end of the trail, which was all uphill, straight, the entire time]

S: Seriously?

A: Come on, it’s pretty.

S: Which part? The black flies biting me or the chipmunks trying to steal my apple.

A: The lake, the mountains, it’s pretty.

S: Oh . . . you mean the view that looks almost exactly like all the other views we saw from the car yesterday? Huh. You’re right. Totally worth it.

[on the trail back down, looking with pity upon those still climbing to an anti-climatic vista with biting black flies and over-eager chipmunks]

S: You’re a lying bastard. I can’t believe I married you. You did this just to laugh at me. There were no rainbows or pots of gold. And, as for the eagles carrying me down - uh huh. LIAR.

[five minutes later]

S: Lying bastard.

[five minutes after that]

A: It was kind of pretty wasn’t it?

S: Lying bastard. You’re trying to kill me. It won’t work. You’re stuck with me forever. You will live to regret this.

Posted in marriage by Sarah