A Bad Habit
January 25, 2006
I’m not in the habit of praying much these days. It’s a bad lack of a habit I suppose, but it’s not unusual for me. I guess I’ve never been a regular when it comes to prayer. It comes and goes, and I don’t worry about it too much, though perhaps it’s a sin that will send me some place dark some day, but I doubt it.
I noticed though in Jamaica that I checked in every night. I’m not sure you would call it prayer, or at least I’m not sure I would call it prayer. There was no two way, I didn’t take time to listen. But every night before I fell asleep, without thinking I ought to, I checked in with God. It sounds a little strange, but some part of me needed Her to know that I had seen it. I had seen all the poverty and walls and the people on the street asking for money or food. I had seen the shacks and the wires stealing electricity and the children without shoes and sometimes without even clothes. I had seen Her face in the children we met or heard Her voice in the songs the people sang. I needed God to know that I had noticed. I had noticed the injustice and poverty all around us. I heard the statistics about crime and violence. I remembered the part where my country was indirectly and directly involved in the fate of this smaller island and the people I met. I heard. I saw. I remembered. And I knew God was still present even when it didn’t seem possible.
I realized tonight as I was trying to fall asleep that I haven’t checked in since I’ve been home. I’ve been busy I suppose. E-mails and papers, television and laundry. And I guess I haven’t seen or heard or noticed the past few days. I wonder why it is so hard, in the comfort of home. to pay attention.
Posted in faith, religion, spirituality by Sarah
Sunshine said:
January 25th, 2006 at 11:23 pm
I feel you on this. I’ve kinda checked out on the whole thing since I’ve gotten back home. I was all about journaling, prayer, and even reading Scripture. Then, I get home….yeah, not so much. I’m hoping those disciplines will come back in time…I’ve been meaning to get to them at least.
Andy said:
January 26th, 2006 at 1:31 am
I can relate. I pray a lot more than I did by leading worship every Sunday and before committee meetings and in youth group Bible study during the week.
But I don’t do much on my own. I definitely don’t always take the time to listen to what God is saying. I’m sure not good at listening sometimes to other people’s views that are different from mine, so how can I even begin to listen to God’s. I’ve got a lot of work to do. We all do, I suppose.
But I think there is something to be said about short prayers and about checking-in. I don’t think we should ever become complacent or apathetic to having our own regular practices about prayer and scripture reading.
And yet I think it’s important we don’t beat ourselves up too much, particularly as seminarians or pastors, and think that because we’re called to do ministry that we should be better or more disciplined at praying and reading scripture.
I think the key is to be aware of it as you have in your post and to just keep working at it.
That’s all any of can do is keep at it, keep moving…
I’m often reminded of Father Mulcaheys quote in an episode of M*A*S*H: “Sis, it’s not important whether one is useful or not as we move from one disaster to the next. The trick is that we keep moving.”
glenn said:
January 28th, 2006 at 2:10 pm
“Her”?